The word divorce, like to divide, is a difficult act. You realize that you can no longer remain in a relationship with someone that you exchanged vows with. You may or may not have children together, you may or may not have been married for a long time, you may or may not have assets together and so on and so forth. One thing is for sure, a divorce is not easy. The raw emotions that come with ending a marriage are unlike any other. You begin to question your motives. You begin to think, what if I did not meet this person? You begin to regret how much time you may feel that you lost. With anger, individuals lose focus and let their emotions get the better of them, leading to poor decisions. While it is easier said than done, do not let anger cloud your judgment to the point that perfect opportunities to resolve your case, pass you by.
Well, I am angry, what should i do?
Talk to a therapist. A therapist is a neutral party and a professional that can help you deal with anger, anxiety and depression. Talking to a therapist is important because unlike family and friends, they do not have a stake in this fight. Friends and family can fuel the fire and in some cases, you really do not know where their loyalties lie.
What should I avoid?
Avoid arguments. If you can leave the marital home/apartment, do so. If you cannot because of children, because of money, etc., try to keep a distance from your spouse and try to limit communication to emails. Emails have a way to slow you down before you send a manic text that you can never take back and can be used against you in court.
Avoid using the children as pawns. I have seen this first hand in my own life, let alone the lives of my clients. Do not involve the children by speaking badly about the other parent. Sorry to say this but: Grow up and do not lose focus of what is key: your child's well-being and innocence.
Avoid making threats of any kind Do not make threats. Threats never help.
Act as if everything you say is being recorded- While you may not be recorded, act as if everything you say and do, is being recorded. Would you make that statement if that statement was recorded and could be broadcast on the news, sent to a Judge, sent to a Newspaper? If not, do not say it and walk away.
Set the Tone-Try to set the tone by being proactive. Instead of being reactive, set the tone and try to control the conversation. When a person reacts, that usually gives control to the other person. Avoid that.
Take a Break- Try your best to go to the gym, go to the spa, take care of yourself as there is no quicker way to burnout than tif you do not take care of yourself mentally.
Have Case Goals- The surest way to losing a case or not acheiving a goal is to not set an actual goal. Be as specific as possible as to what would be the most ideal situation for you and what would be the worst situation for you as well. Your attorney should help you understand what is realistic or not.
So while I did mix in what to do and what not to do, I know how emotionally trying a divorce is and how much anger a person can have during a divorce case. My team and I are experienced in family law and divorce cases in New Jersey. We know how to help each client so that we can help he or she get the best outcome possible. While it is not easy, we can surely make it easier for you to attain your case goals and to start your new life.
Until then, stay positive and contact us if you need an attorney today.
Santo V. Artusa, Jr., Esq.